So you've found me! I've so appropriately named myself Femme InFertile. If you want to know a bit about me and my husband, check out our about me page.
This blog is a long time coming. It takes a lot of courage to open up so publicly about something so taboo and personal, but I feel like its really important that we share our stories and struggles and make it less so. I think, I certainly hope (...no turning back now), that I'm finally ready to share my story and open up to be a support to others on this same life path.
Infertility is a very lonely, very hard life path. When a couple first starts trying, most often they believe they will start a family no problem. We focus so long and so hard on NOT getting pregnant, that the thought of struggling to get pregnant when we so choose, never crosses our minds. Of course, that isn't always the case. There are certainly instances when individuals have medical diagnoses that they are aware of in advance of their journey to start a family, but I would argue that the majority don't see it coming.
Let's get something straight right off the bat. Infertility is not something that can be "cured." Sure it can be overcome to a degree, but there is most definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach to combating infertility. I think the hardest part of being labelled infertile, is the lack of support and understanding those labelled as such are able to receive from their existing support network. Unfortunately for us infertiles, we are often the outcast. We are the ones who often start trying before others, yet watch others go on to have multiple beautiful children and a home full of laughter, before we even get successfully pregnant once. Then if we do open up (often after being asked insensitively a million times when we plan on starting a family) we are offered innocent but unhelpful advice. This advice ranges from "Just relax and it will happen", "I have a friend who adopted and got pregnant after adopting, maybe you should try that", "stress is a big factor I hear, you should do yoga", "try accupuncture", "have you tried charting/temping/opks/bding on the beach/witchcraft/magic/chanting naked under the full moon?" Okay, so those last few never happened. But we're not far off there... I know and understand that people are genuinely trying to help, but the truth is, we most likely have tried EVERYTHING. You can trust we have done our research, we have read everything there is to be read. We know it comes from a good place, but often is a reminder of how naiive others are to the struggles we face. What an infertile needs to hear instead is "I'm so sorry to hear that" "I can't imagine what you're going through, but if you ever want to talk to me about it" "How are you coping, is there any way I can support you?" etc. Some excellent advice on supporting an infertile can be found here:
http://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html?referrer=https://www.google.com/
Okay, phew, now that that's over and done with, let's move on to the nitty gritty. What type of infertile am I? Yes, there are different types. We form mini cliques in the online community worlds, and I am part of the dreaded UNEXPLAINED group. We have possible male factor, possible endometriosis, or quite possibly we're simply incompatible genetically (if that's a thing.... I think it's a thing... is that a thing?). Whatever we are, we are determined to start a family. We are now embarking on a renewed journey towards parenthood after a long break from the process. I hope my journey can help some people understand, or at least be a source of support for others sharing in it.
If you have ANY questions about fertility/infertility, charting/temping, IVF, or the emotional journey, PLEASE let me know. I will do my best to always respond as quickly as I can!
Best wishes to you on your life journey, whatever it may be!
-Femme InFertile
This blog is a long time coming. It takes a lot of courage to open up so publicly about something so taboo and personal, but I feel like its really important that we share our stories and struggles and make it less so. I think, I certainly hope (...no turning back now), that I'm finally ready to share my story and open up to be a support to others on this same life path.
Infertility is a very lonely, very hard life path. When a couple first starts trying, most often they believe they will start a family no problem. We focus so long and so hard on NOT getting pregnant, that the thought of struggling to get pregnant when we so choose, never crosses our minds. Of course, that isn't always the case. There are certainly instances when individuals have medical diagnoses that they are aware of in advance of their journey to start a family, but I would argue that the majority don't see it coming.
Let's get something straight right off the bat. Infertility is not something that can be "cured." Sure it can be overcome to a degree, but there is most definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach to combating infertility. I think the hardest part of being labelled infertile, is the lack of support and understanding those labelled as such are able to receive from their existing support network. Unfortunately for us infertiles, we are often the outcast. We are the ones who often start trying before others, yet watch others go on to have multiple beautiful children and a home full of laughter, before we even get successfully pregnant once. Then if we do open up (often after being asked insensitively a million times when we plan on starting a family) we are offered innocent but unhelpful advice. This advice ranges from "Just relax and it will happen", "I have a friend who adopted and got pregnant after adopting, maybe you should try that", "stress is a big factor I hear, you should do yoga", "try accupuncture", "have you tried charting/temping/opks/bding on the beach/witchcraft/magic/chanting naked under the full moon?" Okay, so those last few never happened. But we're not far off there... I know and understand that people are genuinely trying to help, but the truth is, we most likely have tried EVERYTHING. You can trust we have done our research, we have read everything there is to be read. We know it comes from a good place, but often is a reminder of how naiive others are to the struggles we face. What an infertile needs to hear instead is "I'm so sorry to hear that" "I can't imagine what you're going through, but if you ever want to talk to me about it" "How are you coping, is there any way I can support you?" etc. Some excellent advice on supporting an infertile can be found here:
http://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html?referrer=https://www.google.com/
Okay, phew, now that that's over and done with, let's move on to the nitty gritty. What type of infertile am I? Yes, there are different types. We form mini cliques in the online community worlds, and I am part of the dreaded UNEXPLAINED group. We have possible male factor, possible endometriosis, or quite possibly we're simply incompatible genetically (if that's a thing.... I think it's a thing... is that a thing?). Whatever we are, we are determined to start a family. We are now embarking on a renewed journey towards parenthood after a long break from the process. I hope my journey can help some people understand, or at least be a source of support for others sharing in it.
If you have ANY questions about fertility/infertility, charting/temping, IVF, or the emotional journey, PLEASE let me know. I will do my best to always respond as quickly as I can!
Best wishes to you on your life journey, whatever it may be!
-Femme InFertile
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