I wish I just had a crystal ball sometimes... like I could just see into the future, have confidence knowing all will work out. I guess that's what faith is supposed to be, but I'm running low on that these days.
See every decision I make leaves me with a plethora of what-ifs. What if I had of held off transfer because I was sick last cycle? What if I hadn't of been sick? What if I had of done PGS? What if I had of pushed for immune protocol? What if we had done more testing? What if we had of put back in 3? What if we had only have put in 1? What if, what if, what if.....
It's hard to not look backwards, when you can't look forwards. When there is so much uncertainty in your future. When you have too many options... too many paths to choose from. For me, these days, those options are the big 3.
1. Surgery to treat endometriosis and hopefully increase odds of success following recovery.
2. FET with 2-3 of our remaining frozen embryos with a full immune protocol in place.
3. Adopt a newborn that is biologically not our own.
Within each of those there are more options.
Surgery:
- do we try right away after, or do we allow time to heal?
- do we try naturally following?
- do we follow this with IVF? or IUI?
FET:
- do I do intralipids even though I have a reaction to egg?
- do I do 6 months of lupron before trying? or just a few weeks like RE advised?
- do we put back in 1 to not muddle, 2 which we've done every other time, or risk doing 3?
- do we wait to do FET until I've been super good on my diet for 6 months?
- do we undergo any additional testing to get more answers?
Adoption:
- do we consider open adoption?
- what ethnicities are we open to?
- how does this work for Canadians living in US? Do we go to Canada?
- do we adopt internationally?
- do we accept twins/triplets?
- do we accept disabilities?
There's a lot to consider, and unfortunately I DON'T have a crystal ball, and unfortunately no one can tell us what is best for us at this time. But we don't know for ourselves anymore either.
See every decision I make leaves me with a plethora of what-ifs. What if I had of held off transfer because I was sick last cycle? What if I hadn't of been sick? What if I had of done PGS? What if I had of pushed for immune protocol? What if we had done more testing? What if we had of put back in 3? What if we had only have put in 1? What if, what if, what if.....
It's hard to not look backwards, when you can't look forwards. When there is so much uncertainty in your future. When you have too many options... too many paths to choose from. For me, these days, those options are the big 3.
1. Surgery to treat endometriosis and hopefully increase odds of success following recovery.
2. FET with 2-3 of our remaining frozen embryos with a full immune protocol in place.
3. Adopt a newborn that is biologically not our own.
Within each of those there are more options.
Surgery:
- do we try right away after, or do we allow time to heal?
- do we try naturally following?
- do we follow this with IVF? or IUI?
FET:
- do I do intralipids even though I have a reaction to egg?
- do I do 6 months of lupron before trying? or just a few weeks like RE advised?
- do we put back in 1 to not muddle, 2 which we've done every other time, or risk doing 3?
- do we wait to do FET until I've been super good on my diet for 6 months?
- do we undergo any additional testing to get more answers?
Adoption:
- do we consider open adoption?
- what ethnicities are we open to?
- how does this work for Canadians living in US? Do we go to Canada?
- do we adopt internationally?
- do we accept twins/triplets?
- do we accept disabilities?
There's a lot to consider, and unfortunately I DON'T have a crystal ball, and unfortunately no one can tell us what is best for us at this time. But we don't know for ourselves anymore either.
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