Surgery, FET, or Adopt?

I wish I just had a crystal ball sometimes... like I could just see into the future, have confidence knowing all will work out. I guess that's what faith is supposed to be, but I'm running low on that these days.

See every decision I make leaves me with a plethora of what-ifs. What if I had of held off transfer because I was sick last cycle? What if I hadn't of been sick? What if I had of done PGS? What if I had of pushed for immune protocol? What if we had done more testing? What if we had of put back in 3? What if we had only have put in 1? What if, what if, what if.....

It's hard to not look backwards, when you can't look forwards. When there is so much uncertainty in your future. When you have too many options... too many paths to choose from. For me, these days, those options are the big 3.

1. Surgery to treat endometriosis and hopefully increase odds of success following recovery.

2. FET with 2-3 of our remaining frozen embryos with a full immune protocol in place.

3. Adopt a newborn that is biologically not our own.

Within each of those there are more options.
Surgery:
- do we try right away after, or do we allow time to heal?
- do we try naturally following?
- do we follow this with IVF? or IUI?

FET:
- do I do intralipids even though I have a reaction to egg?
- do I do 6 months of lupron before trying? or just a few weeks like RE advised?
- do we put back in 1 to not muddle, 2 which we've done every other time, or risk doing 3?
- do we wait to do FET until I've been super good on my diet for 6 months?
- do we undergo any additional testing to get more answers?

Adoption:
- do we consider open adoption?
- what ethnicities are we open to?
- how does this work for Canadians living in US? Do we go to Canada?
- do we adopt internationally?
- do we accept twins/triplets?
- do we accept disabilities?

There's a lot to consider, and unfortunately I DON'T have a crystal ball, and unfortunately no one can tell us what is best for us at this time. But we don't know for ourselves anymore either.

Update and Adoption Considerations

It's been a while. I've taken a break to heal emotionally as well as physically. I recently went on a girls trip to Europe. Went all over in two weeks including Prague, Vienna, Venice, Rome, Malta, Aberdeen and Frankfurt. Quite the adventure and so so good for my soul and happiness.

Now that I'm back, of course I return to my family planning. I actually went and did a past life regression with Melanie Harrell who was trained by Brian Weiss. If you don't know who that is, he has a fabulous book called Many Lives, Many Masters. Anyway, she took me back to a few past lives, the second of which had an impact on my fertility. *trigger warning* I was supposedly raped by my father in that life which may have been leading to some blockages in my 2nd Sacral Chakra. If you don't know anything about Chakras, a quick google on the Sacral Chakra will explain that it all has to do with sexuality and creative forces.... so reproductive organs beware ;)

Anyways, was all very interesting and therapeutic regardless of whether you believe in it or not. I felt much lighter and got some much needed emotional healing from this.

I'm not sure I'm quite ready to dive into trying to conceive again (naturally or otherwise) but I have been in contact with Dr. Dulemba's office in Denton, Tx and scheduled a phone consultation regarding a laparoscopy etc. Apparently he's one of the best!

On another note, I've been heavily researching our adoption options. We are scheduled to attend an open adoption seminar to learn about the process. I've also put in a preliminary application with an agency to see if they'd be willing to work with us since we're Canadians living in the US but no green cards or citizenship. So we'll see what they have to say. I anticipate there being many a hurdle on that front. Hence "you can always just adopt" being a really annoying invalid statement (as well-intentioned as it often is). It's also absurd how much it all costs. Ugh... maybe we won't be buying a home next year. Boo.

So that's my quick update... where things are at with me right now. I've been enjoying not being so strict on a diet, and just relaxing into living life. It's important to take care of ourselves throughout this journey and that has certainly been my focus these last few months.

I'll keep ya'll posted!