Thursday, 27 August 2015

Another visit from my annoying aunt...

And by aunt, I mean that one we all share... Flow! Ain't she a bitch!
This was the last month I really "tried" to get pregnant naturally (for this round at least, and for a long while probably) expecting anything, and yet, with my travel schedule and watching my chart, I knew it wasn't likely. Somehow I still managed to get my hopes up... maybe not as much as other months, but I always just sit wishing MAYBE, just MAYBE. How can we get repeatedly beat up only to continue trying and wishing and thinking it will happen. I guess really wanting something that badly has its consequences. A lot harder to give up.

The reason I'm no longer considering myself to be actively "trying" is because we have our appointment at Sher Fertility here in New York. I think on some level I'm just ready to start that process. Ultimately we could try again this month (and we might) but I'm just so over it all again. I go through these waves... ebbs and flows of my willingness to torture myself and I've hit the end again. The definition of insanity (according to Albert Einstein) is doing something over and over again expecting a different result. I'm sick of being insane. Or feeling that way anyway.

The countdown to our consult is on... tick tock. Watching paint dry over here!

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