Monday, 10 August 2015

Old Bird - Wonky Swimmers

As I visit the forums again, I realize that although I'm not alone in terms of infertility, I am alone in the sense of how long. Most people who started trying when I did have since moved on, and have their happy families. Yet, here I am, returning to the infertility forums surrounded by individuals who have been trying comparably short time periods. I'm getting old.

Okay. So I'm not old in the sense of age. Well... depending who you ask I guess, but in my opinion 30 is the new 20! But it sure seems I've been around the infertility block a time or two more than your average infertile. I'm doing well.. moving forward. It simultaneously gets easier and harder as the months go on, but I'm definitely ready to start a family. More ready than I've ever been.

This is perhaps what has urged me to seek another round of IVF. As I fill out the paperwork, I'm flabbergasted (love that word!) at how little we understood about our own infertility. I'm sure the doctors don't want to overwhelm you, and when I think back, I remember being overwhelmed, but I also remember wanting more information and constantly seeking it. So understandably, I was a little frustrated to stumble on to a bit of information that led me through my search to a new realization. No matter how positive I am, no matter how perfectly we time it, and no matter how hopeful I stay, ultimately our chances of conceiving naturally are slim to none. GAh!

Okay so I remember being diagnosed "unexplained, possible male factor" but we were already at the fertility clinic doing IVF so they probably didn't feel the  need to elaborate on the fact that the "possible male factor" was going to be a valid factor if we tried naturally. Granted, we didn't get our hopes too high trying naturally after our second failed IVF... I mean if IVF isn't going to work, why would naturally? The truth is though, it just takes one good egg meeting one good sperm, and so I thought hey, you never know! Worth a try! Well we did, and we continue to, but when I looked back at our charts I realize that all these months were spent wasting emotions thinking there was actually a good chance I could be preggo when our monthly chances of conceiving were below 1%. Odds were NOT in our favour.

The word plastered on our chart that we had never heard uddered from a single doctor's mouth was TERATOSPERMIA. This is just a word that describes having a large abnormal count. But then in research we came across the causes and it listed varisocele which causes restricted blood flow and the sperm to not fully maturate. The symptoms were all there, so we're inclined to believe he has it. If you wanna know more about it just google it.

There is a surgery to rectify (we were never told about of course) but would mean abstaining from intercourse for another 9 months before being active again which wouldn't bode well for giving another try right away. And honestly, if we're going to do ICSI anyway (where they inject the sperm directly in to the egg), they're going to pick the best sperm so I'm not sure its relevant. Something to ask the doc though to ensure we have our best chance this round! But probably not worth wasting the effort trying naturally with expectations. One can always continue to try, but for me, being realistic at least will mean not being devastated and confused each month. I'll continue to try, but I'm definitely no longer naive about our situation and much more ready to adopt than I ever have been. If IVF doesn't work again this time around, we will definitely look in to it as an option. I feel blessed that my hubby didn't blink an eye before offering to do the surgery. A testament to his partnership in this who journey of wanting to be parents.

No comments:

Post a Comment