Last 2 WW before IVF

Well t-minus about a week until we get underway with what I expect to be my last fresh IVF cycle. The nerves are full force, my emotions are all over the place, and prayers are high. I'm in the 2ww of my last natural cycle before we begin, and I find myself talking to the heavens... my belly... myself, wishing, hoping, praying, bargaining for some miracle so I don't have to go through all the injections and emotional turmoil of IVF again. Wouldn't that be nice!?

I follow my fertility clinic's page on Facebook, and perhaps the universe was answering me in a way... Nurse Linda did a video chat about the dreaded 2ww and embryo transfers etc. It was just what I needed to hear really. I highly suggest giving it a watch:

It calmed me ever so slightly. No way around it. The 2 week wait continues to suck... month after month and year after year. In an ideal world I'd know better, or better yet, have a crystal ball to tell me the outcome so I could just move on with my days, but that's far from the case.

Who knows... maybe I WILL get a positive. Maybe I WILL be that miracle story you hear. Weirder things have happened I suppose. I got my hopes up last month though, and I know it's just me trying to find an out from having to go through this whole song and dance again, avoiding the fear and pain that goes along with it. One more week... that's all I have to hold on to for now. Or, well, at least until the BIG 2ww after our embryo transfer next month.

So in other news, Homme InFertile and I have been selected for a Docu-Series that follows women throughout their pregnancy. There will be multiple various stories, but the idea is that we'd be the "infertility" story. I was really excited about the opportunity to share our story and break down some of the stigmas associated with infertility. We have a production call on Wednesday, and they're in talks with our clinic getting filming rights (which I anticipate will be difficult given the sensitivity of other patients etc). So I'm not sure how it will all pan out, but that's that! I'll keep you posted as things progress... I was totally upfront too that Homme InFertile lost his job and we don't know if we'll be staying in NY, and they still want to go ahead so looks good in that respect at least.

In the meantime a woman popped into our little online forum community at the bump and shared a promo teaser for a webseries she wrote/created and we had a good chuckle. Check it out! I found great comfort in laughing in the face of it all. I know it's certainly something we can all relate to, even if our responses aren't so candid in real life ;)

In terms of Homme InFertile... still no job. We have health coverage until the end of May, so can go through our full cycle... less sure about a frozen cycle directly following though if it were needed... shucks. In terms of where we'll go from here? Our first pick would be Victoria/Vancouver, which is where we grew up. Second pick is London as I can get an ancestry visa and we can both work. Could be another fun adventure. New York is looking less and less likely by the day. Who knows though!


Oh and almost forgot. I got my recombine genetic results back and am not a carrier for any of the 311 diseases screened for.. YAY! However, I am unfortunately unable to process/form folate and need to increase my folic acid intake substantially as I am a high high risk of a child with a neural tube defect. :( Not great news, but we'll forge on!

That's all for now. Tootaloo! ;)

Bloodwork cancelled!

Hey all... so my clinic called me as I was on the way to my appointment to have blood work done for immune and NK testing. They didn't realize their lab doesn't do that specific testing on Fridays....

REALLY?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WTF?

These were the emotions and thoughts that rushed through my mind. I've been waiting a while to do this test, and we picked a day and time that was most ideal for my hubby (all appointments are between 9 and 11 am and he works). Had we KNOWN in advance that blood testing for NK and immune wasn't doable on Fridays we obviously would have scheduled another day earlier this week because....
.... he's away for a full week starting tomorrow. This pushes EVERYTHING back. So frustrating. I took a few deep breaths, whoosawwwwd a little (if you don't know what I'm referencing, it's from the movie Bad Boys haha) and then once I calmed myself sent this email to my doc:

Good morning Dr. _____,
My husband and I were supposed to come in today to get blood drawn for immune testing but were called last minute to be advised that it cannot be done on Fridays.
We were somewhat disappointed we were told 30 minutes before our appointment especially since my husband is away all next week. Had we known in advance, we could have done this another day earlier this week. Disappointing as this is, mistakes happen and we just want to put together a plan to move forward and I'm trying to decide whether at this point we should bother.. so a few questions would help us if you don't mind...
I noticed in some of my research that sometimes NK activity can be recognized in the uterine biopsy. Is this true?
Is there a difference between localized NK activity in the uterus versus the bloodstream?
What information would we be gaining from this testing that would alter our protocol other than possibly a steroid like prednisone or intralipids? ie. what information from Eric's or my test results would contribute to a change in approach?
In your professional opinion do you feel as though this immune testing is of high importance to our treatment? or will it depend on what results come of our biopsy/shg?
On a separate note:
What is the cost for PGS? We are considering the possibility of doing it if we have a high embryo yield.
Is PGS something we need to decide on prior to beginning our cycle, or is it something that can be flexibly added/removed as we progress?
Thank you, as usual, for your time and expertise! :)

Now hopefully I came across as a calm, sane person (inside I didn't feel that way haha). I'm a little hot headed sometimes and out of principle hate when people are stupid. I felt like this was one such instance, but not sure who the stupid individual was... haha whooosawwwwww ... let it go. poof. gone.

I did NOT mention the funny thing. What's the funny thing you ask? Well the funny thing is that all morning I had been questioning whether this was a road I really wanted to go down. Do I believe in Intralipids? Do I think its the answer to our infertility woes? The fertility industry is very torn on the topic, more heavily weighted against it with articles explaining elevated NK could be related to stresses from the blood sample drawing, to the fact that elevated NK are existent in perfectly fertile couples, to little to no evidence or correlation to therapies used and positive outcomes. I mean its all over the place. Do I want to be successful? Yes. Do I want to sit and get multiple IVs and pay out of pocket for it if I don't need it? No. Do I want to pay $500 out of pocket just to have the test when I don't know if I even want the therapy or believe in the validity of it? BLehhahghhh... I dunno!?!!? NO?

Why is there so much for an infertile to decide about!?

So moving forward, Monday I still have my biopsy/SHG/trial transfer, and part of me believes that's what I need. Honestly... part of me thinks my uterus just needs a good scratch, clean out, and ripe new start. I dunno. I feel so confused right now.


*****
update:

Doc got back to me. I think we'll forego testing and if the therapies are covered just go ahead and do them. We're only doing 2 more transfers tops at this point, so might as well go all in and give ourselves the best chance possible.
I also read this blog post of another gal, and it encouraged me to just give it a go. Never know.

To PGS or to NOT PGS... that is the question...

So I count myself incredibly fortunate to not only have amazingly supportive, intelligent friends to discuss my infertility journey with, but also one in particular who not only once upon a time offered her own womb to grow my child (you kidding me!? amazing) but who is also a genetic counsellor. Let's call her Genetic Gina. Genetic Gina is super smart, always has been. I've known her since primary school, though I recall our friendship really blossoming in grade 8. Genetic Gina has always been someone I could count on for good, solid, well thought out, and logical advice, and yesterday was no different.

Now I don't like to take advantage of my friends, so was hesitant to reach out at first, but knowing she's also not one to pry into my personal life (she herself is very private), I felt that if I didn't just ask we'd likely never talk about it. So I texted her to see if she'd be open to having a phone date to discuss the pros/cons of PGS and what her thoughts were for my particular circumstance. She of course said yes, which I was super grateful for.

Now most of my friends have no idea all the terminology and vocabulary used in IVF and fertility/infertility etc. Genetic Gina is of course different, working specifically in a fertility clinic as a genetic counsellor. So its such a nice experience to talk to a professional, who is also your very dear friend who has a vested interest in your outcome.

We started out by me explaining that it is something we are considering given our "unexplained" diagnosis. At least, unexplained recurrent IVF embryo implantation failure...
So I said that our doc believes in immune issues and I really believe that's a source of my personal problem, even knowing she's very logic/science driven and probably herself doesn't stake much weight in intralipids etc. I skimmed over it quite quickly and explained that should that testing come back negative, we are strongly considering PGS, and wanted to know if its something I should consider regardless.

Her take was basically that if I was willing to do more than the 2 cycles I'm planning (1 fresh, 1 frozen) she'd say maybe not due to the high cost and our young age. But since I'm only planning on stimming once more and then doing a frozen transfer if needed, she suggested that if I have a high yield of embryos that it would pinpoint the best place to start and would be a good way of ensuring the best possible outcome. Ultimately, if I get 10 or so eggs and we have the money, she says go for it. If we only have 5-8 eggs she says maybe consider doing an additional cycle instead. All really good advice and hard to put into words on this blog.

Anyways, a lot of our decision is going to be based on how our tests come back, and how our yield is. So its really just sit and wait until we know more at this point. But I definitely have a better sense of my plans based on various IF___ THEN___ scenarios. And on top of that I know I have her to chat to about my decisions anytime!

Just feel pretty grateful right now.

PS> if any of you are interested, here are some articles about PGS/PGD that she forwarded me to help me make an informed decision.

xx