Beta Day, Zero Expectations

I so don't want to go in to do my beta. This time around I swore I'd stay on progesterone until I had my beta, and I did... so AF still hasn't come (which is surprising actually) but good indication that I have good absorption of the progesterone suppositories at least. Part of me is curious to see if any level of implantation happened, sure, but I'm just so emotionally sensitive, I don't want to deal with it all right now. I want to just forget about it temporarily.

I'll update later on how that all goes. Hoping to get to chat to the doc today about it, but not holding out a huge hope or anything. We are going away for the week tomorrow and that'll be an excellent distraction.

When we come back it's straight into NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week). I'll be blogging and entering the "Bloggers Unite Challenge" hosted by Resolve. I strongly encourage you to do the same! It's time to increase awareness, break down stigmas, and #StartAsking !!!

Direct link to details: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/bloggers-unite.html

Where to go from here...

Another negative this morning and I know it's really over. I'm technically 13dpo (or 8dp5dt) ... today was our initial test day plan for a reliable result and it's stark white (as expected).

So picking up the broken piece of another failed cycle and trying to move on. Or forward at least. Beta is still scheduled for Monday (though we know what the result will be), and our WTF appointment to follow directly.

I've made the decision to have surgery for my endometriosis before pursuing any further steps. I've found a great doc down in Houston, where we're moving next month or so. I'll have a consult, see what she has to say, do a laparoscopy or hysteroscopy depending on what she suggests and then see what she discovers. We're also considering PGS testing on our frozen embryos but we know that's not ideal/easy/or in some cases even possible since they're already frozen. Hindsight is always 20/20. It just felt so different this time, I guess we were just hopelessly optimistic.

I might be M.I.A for a while as we grieve, move cities (oh goodness), and get settled in our new life. Though doubtful I'll be able to stay away truly since this is such an outlet for me.

I hope to come back and finally finish my story with a happily ever after. One can dream.

CD Who The F*ck Cares

Glaring Stark White Big Fat In Yo Face NEGATIVE.

Ugh. Lots of processing going on right now. I am only 8dp5dt "ONLY" but let's be honest, that's equivalent of 13dpo and hence AF is due for me tomorrow based on my 13 day luteal phase.

Contrary to previous cycles, I'm not going off meds, and I AM planning to still go to Beta on Monday. Doc agreed to meet with us for our WTF appointment same day.

I refuse to break down and cry. I've been here too many times before. I don't want to be sad anymore. Chin up and moving forward.

F*CK

Why did I read this?

What I'm fearing to feel once again this cycle but hoping is not the case...
Cue the waterworks.
http://www.scarymommy.com/ivf-embryos/