Beta Day, Zero Expectations

I so don't want to go in to do my beta. This time around I swore I'd stay on progesterone until I had my beta, and I did... so AF still hasn't come (which is surprising actually) but good indication that I have good absorption of the progesterone suppositories at least. Part of me is curious to see if any level of implantation happened, sure, but I'm just so emotionally sensitive, I don't want to deal with it all right now. I want to just forget about it temporarily.

I'll update later on how that all goes. Hoping to get to chat to the doc today about it, but not holding out a huge hope or anything. We are going away for the week tomorrow and that'll be an excellent distraction.

When we come back it's straight into NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week). I'll be blogging and entering the "Bloggers Unite Challenge" hosted by Resolve. I strongly encourage you to do the same! It's time to increase awareness, break down stigmas, and #StartAsking !!!

Direct link to details: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/bloggers-unite.html

Day 23 - 4dp5dt

Another day full of cramping. Wow.... really REALLY feels like I'm building up for AF up in here. And I'm none-too-pleased about it all, for obvious reasons.

I'm really trying to keep myself as calm and level-headed as possible but it's just so dang hard. I am freaking the frack out. I am so nervous and scared that this cycle is going to be another failure, and yet just hoping and praying so hard that the opposite is true.

It's been a long road to get here, and starting this cycle I've been so hopeful that intralipids were the ticket to success. Now I'm just not so sure. I'm questioning everything. Every decision, every meal, every activity. I'm driving myself bonkers and that's certainly not helping.

I want nothing more than to have faith that it'll all work out, but sometimes it's just hard. I keep my trusty stone with me always, and I rub it to calm myself... that helps a little.

If we wanna play the symptom spotting game for a minute here's what's been going on up until now:

0dp5dt
constipation
fatigue
(acupuncture)

1dp5dt
twinges/pulls
acid reflux (almost threw up when burped)
constipation
fatigue

2dp5dt
increased appetite
very emotional (crying)
sore throat
fatigue
frequent urination (but also drinking lots of water to stay hydrated)
gassy
back pain, unbearable then slowly went away

3dp5dt
bloated
constipation
cramps - started in a.m. then went away, came back worse later in day towards evening (bad overnight)
dizziness
very emotional (crying a lot again - super sensitive)

overnight - crazy frickin dreams. And very vivid - as if I was really there. Nothing baby related :(

4dp5dt
low energy (no nap but busy day... feeling almost ready for bed though and its only 630pm)
medium to bad cramps all day
average to low appetite (common for me with bad cramps)
mild nausea (common for me with bad cramps)
very emotional (crying continues)

... we'll see what tomorrow brings.