Day 17

Fertilization update call came through today. Nurse Leslie informed us that all 16 embryos were still developing, and the 10th egg put to be naturally fertilized decided to catch up! So we now have 17 total! Crazy!

Of the 7 that were fertilized with ICSI:
4 are 10 cell embryos
3 are 8 cell embryos

Of the 10 that were fertilized naturally:
7 are 10 cell embryos
1 is 9 cell
1 is 8 cell
1 is 7 cell

Today I've made very slight progress. I showered and we went for a walk in Central Park with the dog. It was really cold out, but overall a nice day. Funny to think that when we move to Houston in September I won't have to deal with the chilly bone cutting wind of the NE Coast anymore. Instead, I'll just be sweating I guess...
I tried having a coffee today to help the whole bathroom situation move along. Not so helpful, but keeping the faith. In terms of my cold/flu... I'm definitely on the upswing, but just barely. So I'm still feeling quite under the weather, and now developing a cough (instead of the leaky faucet nose) but hoping I can heal up quicker now that my body actually seems to be recovering from the procedure. My body is working overtime that's for sure.

We got the call about our transfer for Friday as well. Initially the nurse had no idea we planned for me to be put under for the procedure. She had to hang up and talk to my doc. Kind of annoys me that if I weren't so on top of it and knowledgeable about the pre-anesthesia "shpeel" then I wouldn't have picked up on that fact and we would have been hooped. Anyways, I did notice, and she called back to confirm that's the plan and changed our time. So we go in at 930am Friday for a 1030am transfer.

All I need to figure out now is are we transferring 1 or 2 embryos... I literally cannot decide. I flip flop every five seconds. I know the doc would prefer to put only 1, and my DH would prefer to put only 1, but both support me putting 2. I'm trying really hard to listen to my gut but unfortunately it's like radio silence. Hoping to have clarity on this before Friday. 

Biopsy Results

They're in, and they're less than ideal....

ENDOMETRIOSIS

It was definitely something we've been concerned about, but the firm diagnosis makes me sad.

I don't have much to say at this point in time other than we're not doing a laparoscopy at this time. Diet seems to minimize symptoms and no firm proof that surgery improves fertility rates. In fact, the risks seem too high for the potential reward.

Hubby has sperm analysis and culture today, so we'll see those results and have a better picture after his urology follow up.

Head is spinning. Need time to process.
On top of it, work is insane (I'm doing casting for fashion week) so I have a lot distracting me at the moment. Too much going on all at once.

In positive news, I splurged on a new purse to lift my spirits. I give you, the consolation prize:

I'm sure I'll be back soon with more to talk about... but for now... just keep swimming... just keep swimming... 

"I feel drunk"

So today was the day I've been waiting for... dreading perhaps, but also excited to get done. My biopsy day along with SHG and trial transfer.

I couldn't eat past midnight so last night made a late dinner, nice and healthy, and ensured I drank lots of water before bed. I was feeling prepared and organized and proud of myself... that is, until my husband FaceTimed me. I could feel his guilt, and I tried to hold it together to not make him feel any worse, but my anxiety got the best of me and started tearing up, unable to speak. I had to hang up... it was just making me think about it all too much and I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up the next morning and get the show on the road.

So that's what I did. I didn't have the best sleep, which isn't surprising given my stress about it all. I woke up before my alarm, worried it wouldn't go off. Neurotic much!? I had a nice long cuddle with my pup. It's like a real life teddy bear!!!

Then I got myself organized and my mom and I headed down to my appointment. I didn't realize it was a holiday (being Canadian and all) and so we ended up being there really early since there was no traffic. When we got there I checked in and sat in the waiting room. Was nice to have someone there with me.

Then a nurse came out, called my name and brought me back. She was really sweet, gave me overly detailed instructions, and then left me to change. I was lookin' and feelin' pretty sexy ;)

She came back and had me fill out a bunch of paperwork - really I couldn't have done this when I had underwear on? Once that was done she put in my IV (ouch. not fun) and I was thankful she was gentle with me. I think she felt bad that my hubby wasn't there with me and that I was so visibly anxious (I couldn't stop tearing).

Once I had my IV in I had a bit of waiting time. DH texted me, only making me more emotional, and then to top it all off the first song we ever danced to came over the music sound system. Floodgates opened. I rely on him so heavily, but he really is truly my best friend and anchor and I would have loved to have had his hand to hold up until the procedure. Oh well.

My anesthesiologist came to give me the rundown on what to expect, asked me if I was allergic to any drugs (this was the 4th time I was asked today... clearly they've had a problem with this in the past haha) and then got my stats - height/weight etc. to calculate dosage I think. Then he took me into the room.

Best part? I stood up forgetting my butt would be hanging out and he had to kindly close my back for me. I clearly was so consumed in my fear I didn't even feel the al fresco situation going on in the back. Oh man.

Then we got settled and doc came in and went over our procedures, had me repeat back to him what I was having. We were talking and the last thing I remember is me telling him he was going blurry.

Then I woke up... feeling... very confused "How did they get me here?" I asked my mom, now sitting in the room. She didn't know but just laughed at me with my eyes halfway open slurring my words. "I feel drunk" I said to her. So she took some pictures of me to send my DH to let him know I was alright.

Looking goooooood haha

"I feel drunk... but I'm good!"

I had zero pain. zero nausea. And soooooo much relief. Once my nurse gave me a juice to help me refresh, and sat me up, my doc came in to debrief.

mmmm juice. Nurse offered me a second because I downed it so fast.

1) SHG - no concerns. no polyps. totally normal looking. this is good news! :) yay
2) biopsy - went well. test results in about 10 days or so
3) trial transfer - issues as expected... he had to pull with itty bitty forceps on my cervix to straighten out the path or something to that effect, and then he was able to get in. He could see why my past transfers were noted as difficult, and has a plan of action going into our future transfer now, so good thing we did it!

So that's it for now. The waiting for this "horrible" but in the end, easy peasy simple procedure is over. Now the waiting for results... That I can do. All my anxiety is gone and I feel so much better. Especially after my nap with my fur baby again. Dogs are the best!

nap time