Day 18

Improvements abound! So I've been sick with a rotten cold all week (which is teetering on bronchitis which I used to get every time I came down with a cold no matter what) but seem to be on the upswing... FINALLY. My nose is no longer a leaky faucet, and my throat no longer on fire. I have, however, developed a nasty cough and am kind full of mucus. Yuk. But... still... improvement nonetheless. 

So I woke up and was definitely feeling improved from yesterday even. Not great. Not better. But improved. Going from sitting to standing was no longer as involved, and walking didn't feel like agony... I was able to pick up my pace. Also, I finally went #2 today. Yay! This was literally cause for celebration I kid you not. If you hadn't done your business in roughly 5 days... you'd understand. That helped alleviate a good amount of discomfort as well obviously.

We had to go deal with tax stuff today, so I was really happy I felt in good enough shape to do so. Then I went home and promptly took a long nap. I woke up only in time to go to acupuncture, which also felt like a big adventure (2 in 1 day!! look at me go!) and make my way home to the couch where I haven't moved from... and it's 8pm and I want to go to bed. So I'm certainly not 100% but feeling happy that the worst seems to be over with.

That being said, tomorrow is transfer day.

I'm so friggin nervous.

So for one, I have to get yet another IV because I'm going under anesthesia. This will be my 4th IV in a very very short time frame. Everyone's been really gentle so I don't have bruising which is nice... so shouldn't be the end of the world, just over it obviously.

Also, I still haven't made a final decision 1 vs. 2. I think I'll wait to see what they're graded as. If we have one stellar one that is off the charts, maybe we just transfer that one. But if we have a lot that are great, but not excellent/stellar/off the charts.... I dunno... maybe 2. It'll be a game time decision and I just dont' like that pressure.

Finally, Once my transfer happens I'm officially in the 2ww. I know technically some might consider me already being in it... but for me, until the embryo is in my body... I don't feel that way. And once I'm in the 2ww, the fear of a negative outcome sets in. I'm so fearful of finding out the result of this cycle. I almost just want to avoid it altogether somehow, but obviously that's impossible. It's like that movie click - can I just fast-forward to the good part? :(

Anyways... expecting a pretty restless sleep this evening, and can't eat/drink after midnight against. Must not forget. Wish me luck, and send me all the positive sticky bean vibes you can muster. 

Day 11 (day 9 stimms)

Intralipid time...

So today was a gloriously lazy day. Without my friend in town, I turned into the ultimate couch potato.. and unapologetically so. Hubby was super sweet and brought me to my intralipid appointment and hung out with me.

When we got there, the nurse brought me into the room (hubby had to wait outside) to hook me up to the IV. I got super lightheaded when she did it, even though she was super gentle, so I had to spend a bit of time slightly inverted to get blood flow back. Once I was hooked up she brought Homme InFertile in and we set up the laptop to watch a movie.

We rented a documentary for 99c, not because we're cheap but because it intrigued me, it was called Barista and was about 4 individuals headed to national barista championship competition. It was pretty good, and passed the time nicely.

In terms of the intralipid itself, my hand got a little numb/cold from laying it so straight and not moving it for so long.

Also the intralipids made me super sleepy so I really had to struggle to stay awake. All I wanted to do was sleep. Though I'm not sure if that's just me catching up from the busy days with my friend in town. I'm still super sleepy and its only 830pm but I have to wait up until 9pm to do my shots. Oh goodness I'm getting old haha.

Anyways, fingers crossed that the intralipids do the trick and we're successful. I'm back to being super bloated/constipated so I kinda waddle when I walk. Every step feels like a ton of bricks in my ovaries crashing around... not so pleasant. I go back in to the clinic tomorrow for ultrasound and bloodwork to see progress from Wednesday. I feel like theres definite progress, but that could just be the constipation bloat. Who's to say. We'll have to wait and see. I'm super nervous/excited to find out how things are moving along. Part of me doesn't want to trigger tomorrow, because my doc is back at work Monday, and if we trigger Saturday instead then he'll be able to do my retrieval himself. Just would give me more piece of mind, but I'm trying really hard to just have faith. 

"I feel drunk"

So today was the day I've been waiting for... dreading perhaps, but also excited to get done. My biopsy day along with SHG and trial transfer.

I couldn't eat past midnight so last night made a late dinner, nice and healthy, and ensured I drank lots of water before bed. I was feeling prepared and organized and proud of myself... that is, until my husband FaceTimed me. I could feel his guilt, and I tried to hold it together to not make him feel any worse, but my anxiety got the best of me and started tearing up, unable to speak. I had to hang up... it was just making me think about it all too much and I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up the next morning and get the show on the road.

So that's what I did. I didn't have the best sleep, which isn't surprising given my stress about it all. I woke up before my alarm, worried it wouldn't go off. Neurotic much!? I had a nice long cuddle with my pup. It's like a real life teddy bear!!!

Then I got myself organized and my mom and I headed down to my appointment. I didn't realize it was a holiday (being Canadian and all) and so we ended up being there really early since there was no traffic. When we got there I checked in and sat in the waiting room. Was nice to have someone there with me.

Then a nurse came out, called my name and brought me back. She was really sweet, gave me overly detailed instructions, and then left me to change. I was lookin' and feelin' pretty sexy ;)

She came back and had me fill out a bunch of paperwork - really I couldn't have done this when I had underwear on? Once that was done she put in my IV (ouch. not fun) and I was thankful she was gentle with me. I think she felt bad that my hubby wasn't there with me and that I was so visibly anxious (I couldn't stop tearing).

Once I had my IV in I had a bit of waiting time. DH texted me, only making me more emotional, and then to top it all off the first song we ever danced to came over the music sound system. Floodgates opened. I rely on him so heavily, but he really is truly my best friend and anchor and I would have loved to have had his hand to hold up until the procedure. Oh well.

My anesthesiologist came to give me the rundown on what to expect, asked me if I was allergic to any drugs (this was the 4th time I was asked today... clearly they've had a problem with this in the past haha) and then got my stats - height/weight etc. to calculate dosage I think. Then he took me into the room.

Best part? I stood up forgetting my butt would be hanging out and he had to kindly close my back for me. I clearly was so consumed in my fear I didn't even feel the al fresco situation going on in the back. Oh man.

Then we got settled and doc came in and went over our procedures, had me repeat back to him what I was having. We were talking and the last thing I remember is me telling him he was going blurry.

Then I woke up... feeling... very confused "How did they get me here?" I asked my mom, now sitting in the room. She didn't know but just laughed at me with my eyes halfway open slurring my words. "I feel drunk" I said to her. So she took some pictures of me to send my DH to let him know I was alright.

Looking goooooood haha

"I feel drunk... but I'm good!"

I had zero pain. zero nausea. And soooooo much relief. Once my nurse gave me a juice to help me refresh, and sat me up, my doc came in to debrief.

mmmm juice. Nurse offered me a second because I downed it so fast.

1) SHG - no concerns. no polyps. totally normal looking. this is good news! :) yay
2) biopsy - went well. test results in about 10 days or so
3) trial transfer - issues as expected... he had to pull with itty bitty forceps on my cervix to straighten out the path or something to that effect, and then he was able to get in. He could see why my past transfers were noted as difficult, and has a plan of action going into our future transfer now, so good thing we did it!

So that's it for now. The waiting for this "horrible" but in the end, easy peasy simple procedure is over. Now the waiting for results... That I can do. All my anxiety is gone and I feel so much better. Especially after my nap with my fur baby again. Dogs are the best!

nap time