Day 18

Improvements abound! So I've been sick with a rotten cold all week (which is teetering on bronchitis which I used to get every time I came down with a cold no matter what) but seem to be on the upswing... FINALLY. My nose is no longer a leaky faucet, and my throat no longer on fire. I have, however, developed a nasty cough and am kind full of mucus. Yuk. But... still... improvement nonetheless. 

So I woke up and was definitely feeling improved from yesterday even. Not great. Not better. But improved. Going from sitting to standing was no longer as involved, and walking didn't feel like agony... I was able to pick up my pace. Also, I finally went #2 today. Yay! This was literally cause for celebration I kid you not. If you hadn't done your business in roughly 5 days... you'd understand. That helped alleviate a good amount of discomfort as well obviously.

We had to go deal with tax stuff today, so I was really happy I felt in good enough shape to do so. Then I went home and promptly took a long nap. I woke up only in time to go to acupuncture, which also felt like a big adventure (2 in 1 day!! look at me go!) and make my way home to the couch where I haven't moved from... and it's 8pm and I want to go to bed. So I'm certainly not 100% but feeling happy that the worst seems to be over with.

That being said, tomorrow is transfer day.

I'm so friggin nervous.

So for one, I have to get yet another IV because I'm going under anesthesia. This will be my 4th IV in a very very short time frame. Everyone's been really gentle so I don't have bruising which is nice... so shouldn't be the end of the world, just over it obviously.

Also, I still haven't made a final decision 1 vs. 2. I think I'll wait to see what they're graded as. If we have one stellar one that is off the charts, maybe we just transfer that one. But if we have a lot that are great, but not excellent/stellar/off the charts.... I dunno... maybe 2. It'll be a game time decision and I just dont' like that pressure.

Finally, Once my transfer happens I'm officially in the 2ww. I know technically some might consider me already being in it... but for me, until the embryo is in my body... I don't feel that way. And once I'm in the 2ww, the fear of a negative outcome sets in. I'm so fearful of finding out the result of this cycle. I almost just want to avoid it altogether somehow, but obviously that's impossible. It's like that movie click - can I just fast-forward to the good part? :(

Anyways... expecting a pretty restless sleep this evening, and can't eat/drink after midnight against. Must not forget. Wish me luck, and send me all the positive sticky bean vibes you can muster. 

Biopsy Results

They're in, and they're less than ideal....

ENDOMETRIOSIS

It was definitely something we've been concerned about, but the firm diagnosis makes me sad.

I don't have much to say at this point in time other than we're not doing a laparoscopy at this time. Diet seems to minimize symptoms and no firm proof that surgery improves fertility rates. In fact, the risks seem too high for the potential reward.

Hubby has sperm analysis and culture today, so we'll see those results and have a better picture after his urology follow up.

Head is spinning. Need time to process.
On top of it, work is insane (I'm doing casting for fashion week) so I have a lot distracting me at the moment. Too much going on all at once.

In positive news, I splurged on a new purse to lift my spirits. I give you, the consolation prize:

I'm sure I'll be back soon with more to talk about... but for now... just keep swimming... just keep swimming... 

Just Another Curveball

So hubs had his urologist appointment last night. We weren't sure it was worth doing, since the concern is morphology possibly caused by varicocele and we're doing IVF anyway (likely with ICSI) but we decided to exhaust all testing just to be sure. So he went.

Based on some research regarding morphology, we were definitely expecting the urologist to mention varicocele. And he did.

But the doc was a little more concerned than we anticipated. See, it turns out that Homme InFertile happens to have some cysts. Are these caused by varicocele? Are these masses that could be cancerous? I wasn't there, and my darling husband didn't seem to ask many questions. My guess is, he was a little overwhelmed. But now I feel left in limbo. Of course I want kids and a family and all that, but my priority in this moment is making sure my husband is healthy and ok. So I'm worried of course.

He had blood tests done, and an ultrasound and is now having to do another sperm analysis and culture. After that is done, he'll go back for a follow up appointment. But that's scheduled for 2 weeks from now, which is a long time to stew in this new information.

Anyways. Not much we can do but continue to wait for more clarity. Luckily I'm really super busy working these next few weeks, so a helpful distraction I guess. Would just love to know that my lovely husband is going to be okay. Where's a crystal ball when you need one!?