Biopsy Results

They're in, and they're less than ideal....

ENDOMETRIOSIS

It was definitely something we've been concerned about, but the firm diagnosis makes me sad.

I don't have much to say at this point in time other than we're not doing a laparoscopy at this time. Diet seems to minimize symptoms and no firm proof that surgery improves fertility rates. In fact, the risks seem too high for the potential reward.

Hubby has sperm analysis and culture today, so we'll see those results and have a better picture after his urology follow up.

Head is spinning. Need time to process.
On top of it, work is insane (I'm doing casting for fashion week) so I have a lot distracting me at the moment. Too much going on all at once.

In positive news, I splurged on a new purse to lift my spirits. I give you, the consolation prize:

I'm sure I'll be back soon with more to talk about... but for now... just keep swimming... just keep swimming... 

Bad things come in 3s...

Wow... well the last 48 hours have been a little emotional to say the least. 3... I repeat, 3 friends had their babies. 3! In 48 hours. Well, that's not accurate. 3 friends ANNOUNCED their babies' arrivals in the last 48 hrs. Same difference to me though.

That's hard. I knew it was coming. I knew late January to early February was going to be full of new babies... and it sure was. Some of the others weren't as painful, since they weren't as close of friends, but these ones hurt. Maybe because 2 of them are those people's 2nd child, and they tried conceiving their first around the same time we started trying or after even. So it stings. To think we could have a 4 year old running around, and a second newborn....ugh. Could is misleading, because I can't, clearly.

This isn't meant to be a woah is me post, but I sure do feel a little bit that way today. It's hard. I'm emotional.

Not helping is the fact that I still don't have results from the lab for my biopsy. I try and convince myself that no results are good... that if something really bad came up, they'd have contacted me much faster. But the truth is you never know. Maybe they're double checking their findings before telling me I have cancer. Maybe something came up abnormal and they had to run additional tests. Who the hell knows!? (if you do, feel free to speak up haha).

My husband and I always say, we are grateful for the life we have led up until this point. As much as my heart aches for a child, I'm happy at the direction we're being taken in, and had we gotten pregnant right away, that wouldn't have been the case. I know that. I believe that in my heart. So it gives me strength. And maybe in 2 more years, I'll look back on this time and feel the same way. But right now? While I'm in it? I certainly don't. I just want to know that all will turn out well. I want to be reassured that I too will have my happily ever after. But if I knew, where would the lessons be learned?

I have to trust. It's just hard today.