Day 20 - 1dp5dt

Homme InFertile has fallen victim to my cold, poor guy. No one to blame but me. Looks like its going to be a lazy house this weekend. He's still being amazing about helping me out as much as possible... he doesn't seem to have gotten it quite as bad, perhaps because he didn't have a procedure to puncture his tenders we'll call them, and remove their contents at the same time.

Anyhoo... I'm continuing to improve, cough is persistent but overall definitely feeling quite a bit better "cold wise".

Now on to the whole lower portion...

Been a bit achy today in the ovaries. I know that they're shrinking back down to size and recovering, but the achy/crampy feeling isn't overly pleasant. I had some weird moments as well today where I have pulling... its like a pulled muscle between my ovaries and center line/belly button area (but lower), but the pulling is up/down (not side/side)... clearly hard to explain what I'm trying to say. Only have it on the left side mainly (a small little episode on the right when I stood up once, but nothing since). I'm wondering if it's implantation, or radiating pain from the ovary... 

I'm also very VERY tired today. I have been laying around all day and then went and took an epic, full on asleep rem nap mid afternoon. Was out for a good while. And yet, feel like I could go for another one. Or like bedtime can't come soon enough. I also have been feeling sort of light-headed/foggy with weird little dizzy moments when I turn my head too fast (even while laying down). So that's a bit odd too. And finally, I'm peeing a ton, but that I have an explanation for since I'm making sure to take in as much fluids as possible to stay hydrated, healthy, and attractive to my embabies. 

On a tmi note, straining a bit still to go to the washroom. I'm sure many going through IVF can relate that you worry that the straining could somehow, in some way prevent implantation. I know that's not the case, but it still crosses the mind. That's the horrid thing about the 2ww. You think you have control over the outcome by every little thing you do - what you're eating (warming foods, bromeline rich pineapple etc), how warm your keeping yourself, as if one small misstep will lead to a bfn. Unfortunately, its in the universe's hands. 

One thing I heard that really helped me snap out of that funk, and a mantra I remind myself each day is:

"If doing or not doing any of these things would prevent pregnancy, then women who were avoiding pregnancy would be doing them! But that's just not the case. A woman who doesn't want to be pregnant can't un-pregnate herself no matter how hard she tries, so quit being so darn hard on yourself!"

I really thought though that going through this 2ww I wouldn't be going crazy, yet here I am, a day in, and nuts already! I feel pretty hopeful, but I know that'll ebb and flow as the days go by. 

Day 16

Still sick and sore... and totally over it. Why can't I just feel better already!?

I do seem to be on the mend cold/flu wise... at least seems that way this morning. My nose isn't quite as runny, and I don't feel as foggy. In terms of my post-procedure pain, not sure. Just took some tylenol so perhaps that's helping, but little by little it seems to be getting better. But I'm talking minuscule sloth-like progress. I keep hoping that one day I'll wake up and magically feel like myself again, but morning after morning am disappointed.

My volleyball team has first round of playoffs tonight and of course I can't go. If we progress to Thursday semi-finals (and hopefully finals), I would love to be able to play, but I also really don't want to push/risk it before transfer day Friday. Lame, as I could really use a little activity, but that seems like a pipe dream at this point.

I had really forgotten how bad and long the recovery from egg-retrieval can be. Maybe it's because this time I had double the amount of eggs, but seriously, not fun, and I was whole-fully unprepared. So here you go...

Things to expect in recovery after IVF ER (egg-retrieval):

• pain - if you experience ovulation pain, its quite similar but worse obviousy.
• bloating - expect to look and feel pregnant already... it may be sensitive to the touch.
• gas - probably a root cause of the above, but embarrassing and uncomfortable.
• constipation - I'd really love to use the washroom. I read someone compare it to birthing a final egg that just didn't get retrieved and refuses to make its way into this world, and that's exactly how I feel. Also probably a cause of the three above.
• fluctuating appetite - moments of nausea, followed by a ravenous need to eat protein.
• anxiety - wondering if you're one of the ladies who is experiencing OHSS... you hypochondriac you...
• anticipation - seriously the embryo update calls get you all in a funk... tomorrow update #2 can't come soon enough.

I'm sure there are plenty more. If you have anything to add... feel free to comment and I'll update!

I do have to say though. Homme InFertile has been taking good care of me. I don't know what I would have done if I had of needed to go back to work, or if he was working. He's been taking such good care of me that I've basically been on bed rest. I could get used to that part ;)

Day 11 (day 9 stimms)

Intralipid time...

So today was a gloriously lazy day. Without my friend in town, I turned into the ultimate couch potato.. and unapologetically so. Hubby was super sweet and brought me to my intralipid appointment and hung out with me.

When we got there, the nurse brought me into the room (hubby had to wait outside) to hook me up to the IV. I got super lightheaded when she did it, even though she was super gentle, so I had to spend a bit of time slightly inverted to get blood flow back. Once I was hooked up she brought Homme InFertile in and we set up the laptop to watch a movie.

We rented a documentary for 99c, not because we're cheap but because it intrigued me, it was called Barista and was about 4 individuals headed to national barista championship competition. It was pretty good, and passed the time nicely.

In terms of the intralipid itself, my hand got a little numb/cold from laying it so straight and not moving it for so long.

Also the intralipids made me super sleepy so I really had to struggle to stay awake. All I wanted to do was sleep. Though I'm not sure if that's just me catching up from the busy days with my friend in town. I'm still super sleepy and its only 830pm but I have to wait up until 9pm to do my shots. Oh goodness I'm getting old haha.

Anyways, fingers crossed that the intralipids do the trick and we're successful. I'm back to being super bloated/constipated so I kinda waddle when I walk. Every step feels like a ton of bricks in my ovaries crashing around... not so pleasant. I go back in to the clinic tomorrow for ultrasound and bloodwork to see progress from Wednesday. I feel like theres definite progress, but that could just be the constipation bloat. Who's to say. We'll have to wait and see. I'm super nervous/excited to find out how things are moving along. Part of me doesn't want to trigger tomorrow, because my doc is back at work Monday, and if we trigger Saturday instead then he'll be able to do my retrieval himself. Just would give me more piece of mind, but I'm trying really hard to just have faith. 

Days 7-8 (days 5-6 stimms)

Wow have things progressed. Getting real ya'll...

DAY 7 - day 5 stimms a.m. & p.m.
So yesterday I continued with my a.m. ganirelix and p.m. gonal-f and menopur shots. My stomach has little prick marks along with mini bruises where I clearly did a less than stellar job injecting myself. Oh well. I'll be a pin cushion if it means I have a baby!!!

Yesterday was Easter, so we started our morning off with Easter Brunch at Lafayette in New York. Delicious little brunch with some friends and then we headed over to the bonnet festival which is a street filled with crazy New Yorkers in crazy hats. So random, but quite a spectacle. We then tried to get lottery tix to a broadway show, but after no such luck, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge instead. So needless to say, it was a busy day and I was just beyond pooped. We had a chill night and went to bed reasonably early.

DAY 8 - day 6 stimms a.m. & p.m.
Maybe it was me pushing myself to hard, maybe it was the meds, maybe my IBS, or maybe even something I ate, but I tossed and turned with a stomach ache all night, and woke up with diarrhea around 6am. Annoying since I had been incredibly constipated for days. I guess the relief was welcomed, but the stomach cramping not so much. Sorry for the TMI but I don't believe in such a thing on this journey ;)

So my day started off a bit rough since I wasn't feeling great but we had to go to my check up appointment at the RE. I was super duper nervous, having been a poor responder in the past. I trusted my doc lowering my meds, but at the same time was just really hoping it worked out well. My friend came in to the room with me for sheer curiosity more than anything. Was quite the learning experience for her.

Well the doc covering for Dr. T was fine and dandy, but not overly personable. I like someone I can joke with and they all take it a bit too seriously for my taste. Fair enough, as they need to be sensitive to all infertile types. I support that... but still, when I crack a joke, at least crack a smile ;)

Anyways, had 21 follicles. Yes!!! 21!!! I was thrilled!!! Our first IVF was only 11 so we almost doubled our amount and I couldn't be happier. Many of them are still quite small, so I'm not sure how many will mature to size, but I still feel confident we'll get a good yield and may be able to go for a day 5 transfer. Fingers crossed.

I felt completely drained today and tried to be a trooper but had to take a mid-day nap to recuperate. My ovaries are just so sore. I feel like I need to invent shock absorbing shoes for women going through IVF. I swear with each step I could feel them slosh around in my ovaries. Ouch. I'm okay with it if it means I have 21 great eggies in there. Feeling positive vibes today. :) :) :)